


Daydreams About Night Things

by luvscharlie



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Community: wizard_love, F/M, Fanfiction, Het
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-08
Updated: 2010-10-08
Packaged: 2017-10-12 12:54:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/125034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvscharlie/pseuds/luvscharlie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the war, Percy Weasley is trudging along, but nothing is as it was before.  Then someone new gets a job in the Department of Magical Games and Sports and even his dreams no longer are his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Daydreams About Night Things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [purelush](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purelush/gifts).



> Warnings: Fantasy sex, voyeurism (sort of, but not really—gosh, this is harder to explain than I thought without giving too much away), desk sex
> 
> Author's notes: Originally written for purelush at the 2010 wizard_love fic exchange on Live Journal who asked for nothing too kinky and a work place crush, as well as a realistic vision of what day-to-day life might be like after the war.

No one had to tell Percy Weasley that sharing a corridor at the Ministry for Magic with the Department of Magical Games and Sports was punishment for one of his many life transgressions. But, he was not sure he'd done anything bad enough to merit a punishment so severe as all this.

He rubbed the back of his head, which had just taken a hit from a Bludger, as he attempted to get himself up off the floor, and failing, lay back once more. That was the _third_ time that morning he'd suffered a Quidditch injury (and he'd never even played the damned sport—not even a match in the back garden with his brothers). This was, however, the first time he'd found himself knocked completely unconscious. Sure the Department of Magical Games and Sports was the correct department to deal with rogue Bludgers, but _he_ wasn't a part of that department. Percy was just an innocent bystander working at his desk down the corridor where he was manning the Department for the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts these days since his father's recent retirement (and boy wasn't that just salt in a large, gaping wound). So, it was bad enough that a hexed toaster-do-hickey-gizmo-whatever-the-hell-it's-really-called had grabbed his tie when he walked by it that morning and nearly strangled the life out of him before someone had come to help, but this Quidditch "incident" was just the frosting on the bitter cake that was Percy Weasley's life.

A very pretty girl with brown hair came rushing into his office, arms flailing: "Oh. My. God. I am soooo sorry! The first task I'm assigned for my new job and I let the Bludger get away from me. Oh, God, are you hurt?" She grabbed his arm and began tugging so that he either got up off the floor or let her pull his arm from its socket. Percy thought she actually looked familiar, though it was hard to tell because he couldn't find his glasses and the stars before his eyes were making it hard to focus.

"It's not as though this is the first time I have been injured in the line of duty… so to speak... in fact, it is not even the first time it has happened this morning. Though I must confess, that one did smart a good bit." Percy rubbed the back of his head, where a large knot was fast raising.

"Oh goodness," the girl said. "It looks like you broke your glasses when you fell. Thankfully, they're not so bad." She drew her wand and repaired them, then placed them back on his face. "There that's all better, isn't it?" she asked hopefully.

Easy for her to say. She wasn't the one who'd had her skull bashed in. "Do I know you? You look so familiar," Percy replied.

The girl smiled, seeming to believe that as long as they were talking civilly, she might still be allowed to keep her job. As if he could get her fired anyway—he worked in this low position for a reason, which was a bitter pill to swallow when you had previously been the Junior Undersecretary to the Minister for Magic, but the Wizarding community was still not exactly ready to forgive him his transgressions, or if the community was, the new Minister certainly was not. He suspected he'd gotten to keep a job at the Ministry at all simply out of the respect that Minister Shacklebolt had for his father. _Grind the salt into the wound a little deeper there._ The only reason the Department of Magical Games and Sports was now on the same level as the Department for the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts was because there had been these types of accidents before and when the last rogue Bludger had knocked the newly elected Minister flat on his arse, the decision had been made to move the Department down from its previous position at Level 7, to Level 2 where the Aurors might better keep things under control. Percy might have been tempted to point out that being a former Auror himself, Minister Shacklebolt should have been able to handle a few rogue Bludgers himself, but he valued his job, and thus, kept his mouth closed.

"I was a couple years behind you in school." She held out a hand for him to shake in introduction. "Katie Bell."

"Gryffindor, right?" Percy asked, rubbing the lump on the back of his head.

"Thanks for noticing," Katie said sarcastically. "Boy, did I ever have a crush on your brother." Katie looked sort of dreamy—or maybe, Percy thought, it was still the effects of the blow to his head.

"To which of my brothers might you be referring?" Percy asked. "There are several to choose from."

"Charlie," she said with a sigh. "He was just the dreamiest."

Percy reached over and felt the back of Katie's head for a lump that wasn't there. She promptly smacked his hand away. "Sorry, just thought the Bludger might have got you first."

"Ha, ha. Very funny. I remember being a first year and thinking your brother hung the moon. He was just so handsome. And that smile. Oh Merlin, that smile of his."

Percy thought maybe the poor girl really had suffered a few Quidditch injuries in her day, and a few Bludgers to the head had done some permanent damage. But then, he never understood women and their fascination with his brother, Charlie.

Katie started towards the door of his office. "Well, it was nice to see you again, Mr. Weasley."

"Percy. Call me Percy, please."

"Oh, yes, of course. Percy, then. _Percy_ , you're not going to, um, rat me out to my boss are you? Flint's not all that forgiving about mistakes."

"My lips are sealed." He had gone a few rounds arguing with Marcus Flint, and he did not envy the girl having him for a supervisor.

***

 _"Yes, Minister? What did you need?" Katie asked, stepping through the door of Percy's office and up to his big, perfect, simply to die for wooden desk, leaning over seductively. This was the office of his many dreams, so he wasn't surprised to find himself here. Katie Bell, however, was a new addition to an old fantasy._

She wanted him, he could tell. The cut of her blouse dipped so that her breasts nearly spilled out and that skirt was so short it might have well been nonexistent.

Percy wasn't sure what was a bigger turn on. Being called "Minister" (his lifelong dream) or the girl bending over and giving him such a nice view as she stood ready to fill his every need or desire.

"What do I need? I need—" Percy reached across the desk and pulled her forward, grabbing a hand full of her blouse in each hand and yanking—yanking—trying to yank **Bloody hell, even in his dreams he messed it up!** Then, finally, the buttons went scattering across the floor, much to his relief, and the blue lace of her sexy bra begged to be touched. Percy grasped the strap from her shoulder and pulled it down, letting it drop to hang loose against her arm. He reached for the other strap and the little minx backed away, beckoning him forward.

"Whatever are you doing, Minister?" Katie asked, giving Percy a wide-eyed, innocent look that made his pulse race and his cock twitch in response.

"Why, anything I want, my dear. I am the Minis—"

"Percy, move it! You're going to be late if you don't get your bum out of bed. In all the years your father worked in that position, he was timely, and the Minister will expect no less from you, young man."

Percy bolted upright in bed, jolted cruelly from his pleasant dream by his mother's screeching voice as she pulled open his door and poked her head into the room. He did his best to hide his erection beneath the duvet, and vowed to find himself a new flat by the end of the week. Living at the Burrow had been fine at first. The Death Eaters had obliterated the flat where he had lived in London prior to the war, and he had felt that he owed his parents to make certain they were okay before he moved away from the Burrow again. But his decision to stay a few months had ultimately turned into a few years, and here he still was. Not to say it hadn't been nice to be home. It had been… sometimes—sometimes that were not this particular morning. Finding a bit of privacy at the Burrow was… well, it was virtually impossible, just as it always had been when he was a youngster.

Percy plucked his glasses from the side table and focused on his mother's form filling the doorway. Nothing like seeing your mum first thing in the morning to cure a raging stiffy. "Yes, Mother. Thank you for waking me. I'll be down to breakfast in a few moments."

She turned on her heel and looked back once. "Better hurry. I can only keep Ron from eating all of the bacon for so long, you know."

Percy waited until her footsteps on the stairway grew faint, then grabbed a change of clothes, a flannel and a towel and raced for the loo.

Stepping into the shower with what remained of his erection, which was slight, Percy did his best to recall the Katie of his dreams.

His cock twitched in response to the image of big eyes, and perfect breasts and chestnut hair that he just knew would feel like silk beneath his fingers. He lathered up his hand and began to stroke himself, allowing his mind to drift back to the girl who had lingered in his thoughts, particularly his dreams, since their encounter the previous day.

She was so pretty, seemed so sweet, and so worth the bump on the head he had taken from the Bludger. His cock grew harder as his thoughts filled up with delectable images of Katie Bell, and he began to stroke himself beneath the warm spray of the shower. He grasped his cock, slipping it in and out of his soapy hand with just the right amount of pressure and _God, that felt good, so close, so very, very—_

The pounding on the door was so startling that he slipped and almost fell.

"Come on, Perce," Ron shouted over the sounds of the shower. "You're not the only one who needs a shower this morning. Hurry it up, will ya?"

Yes, finding a new abode was going directly to the top of his list of things to do today.

***

A week later, Percy was in his new flat in the seedier part of Wizarding London. It was all he could afford. After all, his new position didn't pay any more now than it had when his father held the post. Poor, disgraced and disrespected by most everyone; life was just going smashingly.

To make things worse, though he did have some privacy now, he found himself more frustrated than ever. The dreams of Katie Bell came nightly, each more torrid than the last. And each time, right before he could get to the good stuff—he would wake up. Not only did Katie visit him at night, but he often caught himself staring off into space as he sat at his desk, thinking not-so-pure thoughts about the lovely Miss Bell.

And while he saw Katie plenty in his fantasies, he was having zero luck actually seeing her during waking hours… unless daydreams counted… which they did not.

He had left the door to his office open every day since their first encounter, and suffered a good many chases from rogue Bludgers and a Snitch that seemed determined to lodge itself in his ear, but for all his trouble he hadn't caught a single glimpse of Katie Bell. In fact, he was starting to worry that Marcus Flint had, in fact, fired her.

So today, he had a plan. He had decided that he would just walk casually by the Department of Magical Games and Sports, on his way to the break room for coffee (never mind that he hated coffee) and just glance in the door to her department and see if she was there. He hadn't been Head Boy of Hogwarts by mistake. He was a clever one… if he did say so himself… and he did. Hey, somebody had to.

***

Percy Flooed in to the Ministry and took the lift down to the second floor, dropped his cloak and briefcase in his office then strolled down the corridor attempting to look nonchalant. Perhaps if he whistled. Wasn't that what people did if they wanted to appear to be strolling about for no particular purpose? He put his hands in the pockets of his robes and pursed his lips and… nothing. Not a sound one. This whistling business was apparently much harder than it looked. Charlie had whistled constantly when they were younger, and it had driven Percy crazy, so he'd never really tried to do it himself… before today, that was. Perhaps it was that he was trying to accomplish this while walking and would do better if he concentrated on one task at a time. So he stopped, pursed his lips again and… still nothing, though there was a whooshing sound by his left ear and shouts of "watch out" from behind him. Three brawny employees came rushing by him in pursuit of whatever-it-was that had whizzed by his ear, but sadly none of them were Katie.

However, with the employees in pursuit of the whatever-it-was through the corridors, Percy concluded this might be the best time to poke his head into the Department of Magical Games and Sports and look around for signs of Katie Bell's state of employment. He stuck his head through the door, there was a sharp crack, which from the pain in his forehead, he thought, might well have been the sound of his skull splitting and that was the last thing he remembered until he woke up with three faces hovering over him… and none of them belonged to Katie.

"What the hell happened to you, Weasley?" Marcus Flint asked.

Not only did his head hurt, but he also felt incredibly stupid, so Percy wasn't much in the mood to answer Flint's idiotic questions. "I decided I'd take a nap, and this spot outside your door looked like the perfect place. What do you think happened to me, you moron? Something in your bloody department attacked me."

"Well, well, somebody's testy," Flint said, offering a hand in assistance, which Percy batted away as he attempted to stand. His head went swimmy and he was forced back to the floor, just as Katie Bell rounded the corner.

 _Just great._

***

Percy spent the rest of the day wandering around his office in a dizzy fog with a rather severe headache. He'd done his best to avoid the demon toaster because with his equilibrium off-centre, he was sure he'd be easy prey.

He was just gathering his cloak and his briefcase to go home, when Katie Bell tapped lightly on his already open door. "Hi there."

Percy gave her what he hoped wasn't a too goofy smile. "Hi."

Katie smiled back. "I just thought I should come by and make sure you were okay. Flint says you took quite a hit today."

"How do you work in an office with that thing?"

"Flint? Oh, he's not so bad once you get to know—"

"Not Flint. That Bludger. How do you work with things like that?" Percy asked, truly awed at her bravery. Frankly, he was terrified of the damn thing… and he had the knots on both the front and back of his head to justify his fear.

"Well, that's the only one we have at the moment, and strangely enough, it seems to only want to attack you. Of course, rogue Bludgers are unpredictable, but that one seems to come to life and become violent whenever you're around, otherwise, it's fairly docile."

Sighing, Percy covered the new knot on his forehead. "Well, of course it is. That's the story of my life."

Katie started to speak, but stopped when she turned to find the Minister for Magic standing behind her. "Good day, sir," she said politely, and then nodded at Percy. "And good day to you as well, Mr. Weasley."

Nodding his head in returned acknowledgement, Percy replied, "Good evening, Miss Bell."

Kingsley patted Katie on the shoulder, and much to Percy's dismay, he noticed the Minister's eyes following the sway of her retreating figure. Percy cleared his throat rather rudely. After all, it wasn't as if he could be demoted any farther, and if he was fired, well, at least he might not be bashed senseless before the age of thirty.

"Oh, yes." Kingsley pulled himself together. "I heard there was an accident on this floor today, and felt I should stop by and see how you are."

"That was nice of you," Percy said, surprised.

"Not really. Accidents require paperwork, and I really don't want to have to complete any, so do me a favour and stay out of the path of anymore Quidditch balls, yeah?"

"Yes, sir," Percy answered through clenched teeth.

***

 _"Minister Weasley, I have those reports you requested," Katie said, strolling in wearing an old Hogwarts uniform, complete with red and gold striped tie._

"Miss Bell, that ensemble is hardly regulation," Percy said, sitting once more behind that behemoth of a desk that he so coveted and giving her a look of disapproval.

"Oh, but, sir, the memo I received said that I should wear this today."

"A memo. Was it a memo from me? Your Minister for Magic?"

"Yes, sir," Katie said with a nod.

"Well if I put it in a memo, then it must be okay, though I think I should most like to see what is beneath that skirt of yours." He patted the desk for her to come and sit before him.

She did, sliding the hem of the skirt slowly up her thigh, as Percy watched, drinking her in---then suddenly Kingsley was blocking his view, standing between her thighs as she wrapped her legs around his waist—around Kingsley's waist, when they were supposed to be wrapped around his—and how the bloody hell did this happen?

This was too much! "Hey, what are you doing here? This is my dream. Get out."

Kingsley gave a nonchalant shrug. "How should I know? It's your dream. I assume you must want me here. Maybe you want to watch me here with Miss Bell."

"I do not!" Well he didn't think he did, but Kingsley did have a point. It was **his** dream. Okay, so he'd just close his eyes and think really hard and then it would just be Katie there before him. Kingsley's fingers were loosening the knot on Katie's tie when Percy's dream-self shut his eyes tight.

He popped them open again, only to find that Kingsley was still there, and it had gotten worse. Katie was now bent over the desk and Kingsley was behind her, sliding into her, doing what Percy, himself, never got to do in his dreams because he always woke up too soon.

"Oi! Stop that! Get **out** of my dream!"

Kingsley held his hands up as though to say, 'this is completely not my fault' and then he began to slide in and out of Katie as she grasped that beautiful desk and made noises that Percy had longed to hear, but not like this. Never like this.

"Shacklebolt, you arse, I said OUT! Get out of my dream right this instant!"

Kingsley shot Percy a glare. "Even in your dreams, I am your superior, Weasley. So I'd watch my tongue, if I were you."

"Ha, that's what you think." Percy grasped the name plate from his perfectly wonderful desk and turned it so that Kingsley could see. "Look here. It says Percy Weasley, Minster for Magic."

"No, it doesn't," Kingsley said, as Katie wiggled back against him begging for more. She never begged **him** for more. Percy never got this far. He always woke up. This was so completely unfair!

Percy looked at the name plate and gasped in horror. It had changed; now he wasn't even Minister for Magic in his own dream.

Kingsley smirked, and pushed into Katie once more. "See, I told you," he said, groaning with every thrust.

 **I want to wake up, I want to wake up, I want to wake up.** And wouldn't you know it, when you wanted to wake up, that's when you couldn't. Nope. He was forced to stand there and watch as Kingsley's thick cock slid in and out of the woman Percy so longed to touch. And the look on her face when she came—Dear Merlin, that was a beautiful sight to behold. Percy thought that when he woke up, if he ever did, he was going to consider a plot to overthrow Minister Shacklebolt, starting with setting his desk on fire. It would be a travesty to deface something so beautiful, but if he couldn't have it, then Shacklebolt shouldn't have it either.

***

His face was stinging. Something was striking him.

And then there was the voice, so like his dream except this time it wasn't saying, "Yes, Minister, more, Minister." Hearing those words would have been music to his ears, if she had been referring to him rather than Shacklebolt, but she hadn't been. The title was no longer his, the girl wasn't his and that big, beautiful, larger than life desk wasn't his either.

This wasn't a dream; it was a nightmare of terrible proportions.

"Mr. Weasley-- _smack_ \--Mr. Weasley? Oh, I do hope that Bludger didn't bash in your skull-- _smack_ \--well, too much anyway. You poor thing. You must have been here all night."

Percy awakened to find Katie sitting on his desk, much as she had in his dream, though this desk was small and scratched and not at all marvellous. His dream had taken a downhill turn, though at least he didn't see Shacklebolt this time. But then, those smacks had felt too real to have been a dream and his head was throbbing which typically didn't happen in dreams. Percy jumped, startled at the sight of her. The real her, not the dream Katie at all.

"Oh, gracious. I'm so glad you're awake. I was starting to really become concerned about how much damage that Bludger might have done. Goodness me, you're still in your cloak."

"Where am I?"

"Well, that's not a good sign at all. I think maybe I should escort you to St. Mungo's, Mr. Weasley. Why, you're in your office, of course. You must not have left the Ministry last night."

"Well, that's simply not possible, Miss Bell, because I do not make it a habit of sleeping at my desk." _Except when I'm daydreaming about you. Probably best not to bring that up._ "Besides I'm sure I went home—I remember walking out of—" Only he didn't remember it at all. He didn't remember anything after Minister Shacklebolt's visit to his office the previous evening. Well, he remembered the Minister's dream visit, but he was doing his very best to forget that… and having zero success at making the horrible images fade from his memory.

"Yeah, why don't we just take a trip over to the hospital and get you checked out—"

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm fine!" Percy exclaimed, embarrassed beyond belief. He realised after the words were out that his tone was a bit harsh, so he did his best to change it. "I do apologise. I'm just not at my best first thing in the morning." _Particularly on mornings after you fucked Kingsley on my big Minister's desk and then I wasn't Minister anymore—and it was only a dream. And, pull it together, man!_

"Um, okay," Katie said, looking wary as she started for the door. "As long as you're positive that you're okay, I guess I'll just go then."

***

Percy wasn't okay. He wasn't sure he would be okay ever again.

That same night, back at his flat he paced the room looking at his bed longingly but afraid to climb into it. He did not want a repeat of last night's dream. He wanted to have Katie back in his office—his fantasy office where he was Minister, with that big wooden desk and her in that skirt, and him pushing her over it the way Shacklebolt had done and—God he was getting so hard at the thought of sliding into her. His hand pressed flat over his trousers and he rubbed down with the heel of his hand making himself groan.

He stripped off his clothes and climbed into his bed, beginning to stroke himself, lightly at first, and then with more pressure, speeding up with more thoughts of Katie's lips around his cock and her tongue flicking over the head—

And then there was a sharp, but persistent knocking at his door. At this point, Percy expected no less, but that didn't mean it wasn't annoying. He got up muttering and kicking things as he pulled on his trousers and padded to the door in bare feet. He opened the door and there before him was Minister Shacklebolt.

"You again?" The bitter words were out of Percy's mouth before he could stop them. "I apologise, Minister. I wasn't expecting you, sir. I mean this is just a surprise and—" Percy stopped talking before he made things worse.

Kingsley cocked an eyebrow in surprise, and Percy thought he noted a bit of a smirk beneath the man's outward appearance of dignity. "Might I come in, Mr. Weasley?"

"What? Come in? Oh, but of course. I apologise, Minister. I—" He stopped talking again and motioned that Kingsley should come inside. "Would you like a drink, sir?"

"No, I can't stay. I heard that you spent the night in your office last night, and there's been some concern that perhaps your injury yesterday was more serious than was originally thought."

"Sir, if you're still concerned about the paperwork, I assure you that won't be necessary. I am perfectly fine." _Now stop fucking the girl I want in my dreams… and stay off my desk, you big pillock._ "I assure you, I'm not seriously injured, sir. I was just overtired. That's all."

"Well, as you know, I'm quite fond of your parents. And Minister for Magic or not, if your mother thought I had put your health in danger, I dare say she'd do things to me that I'd rather not think about."

"Sir, with all due respect, I am a grown—"

Kingsley held up a hand. "Yes, yes, but I insist that you take tomorrow off and get that head of yours examined." Kingsley smiled at his own clever double-entendre, before continuing, only making Percy all the more angry, "Oh and by the way, do you know if that new girl in the Department of Magical Games and Sports—what's her name again?"

"Katie Bell, sir?"

"Yes, yes. That's her. Do you know if she's available?"

Percy saw red. He could feel his ears heating up. His fists were clenched at his side, and he wanted nothing more than to grab his wand and throw a hex at the Minister. That would certainly land him in Azkaban, but at the moment, Percy thought it might well be worth it.

Kingsley let out an embarrassed chuckle. "Heavens, I sound like a Sixth Year boy." He shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced at Percy expectantly. When Percy failed to answer, Kingsley gave him an anxious look and then said, "So, do you know?"

"Know what, sir? Oh, Miss Bell, you mean? Um, I'm not certain, sir."

Kingsley looked embarrassed. Percy was at least glad for that. "Oh, well, I just thought since the two of you worked on the same floor and seemed friendly, and Merlin me, I think I'll just stop rambling while I still have a small bit of dignity left." Shuffling his feet, Kingsley nodded at the bump on Percy's forehead. "You get that checked out, Weasley, and enjoy your day off." Then the Minister was gone with a "pop".

And Percy was panicking. If the Minister for Magic was interested in Katie Bell, which he clearly was, Percy saw his own chances dwindling quickly. He had to act fast.

***

Percy spent the rest of the evening thinking of ways he might approach Katie. He really did want to take her out, but he had so very little to offer anyone. He was no longer quickly climbing the ladder of success at the Ministry—in fact, he was, quite literally, in the basement (or close enough to it), several levels below even the bottom rung of that proverbial ladder.

The next day, he sought out help…

Stepping out of the Floo at the Burrow, Percy looked around and saw Charlie sat in a chair with his feet propped up on the kitchen table.

"Mum sees your feet on her table, she'll skin you alive."

"Good morning to you as well, brother dear," Charlie said with a snort.

"I'm looking for Bill."

"Well," Charlie said, removing his feet from the table and leaning forward in his chair, "I know you didn't bother to show up and all, but in case you've forgotten, while you were off being an arse, Bill went and got married, and he doesn't live here anymore."

"I really do not have time for your attempts at humour, Charlie. I went to Shell Cottage first, and Fleur said she believed Bill was here."

Charlie, doing what Percy believed was his very best to be a complete arse, clicked his tongue. "Well, now that you mention it, he was here earlier…"

"And?"

"And now he's not."

Sighing, Percy ran a hand over his face, his patience waning. "Charlie, do you know where he went?"

"Yes."

Groaning in frustration, Percy considered strangling Charlie, but after gauging his own size in comparison to Charlie's, thought better of it. "Look Charlie, I need a bit of brotherly advice, so if you could just tell me where Bill's gone—"

"Oi, I'm your brother too. No need to go looking for Bill. What's troubling you, Percy? I'll help you out."

Percy considered it… for a moment. "No. I would like to speak with Bill."

"Oh, come on. Let me help. Nobody ever asks me for advice."

"There is a reason for that. You are not very smart and I doubt sincerely that your advice would be very helpful."

"Hey, just because I wasn't Hogwarts' Head Boy, doesn't mean I'm dumb. Come on, really, I'd like to help, and I'll have you know, I give great advice."

"Well," Percy started, considering it, "I really think Bill is better suited to answer this. It is about a situation with a female after all and--"

"Whoa, there. Just because I chose not to settle down with the first woman that came along, doesn't mean I don't pull my share of birds. Come on, Percy, I can help with this."

Well, he had a point. There were many rumours that Charlie was quite successful with the ladies, whether or not he chose to marry was, perhaps, irrelevant to the advice Percy sought. "Okay," Percy said, taking a seat at the table. "There's this girl at the office that I really fancy, and I'd like to ask her out, but I am just not certain how I should go about it."

"Do you like her, like her?" Charlie leered.

"How old are you? Ten?"

"Okay, sorry. How big are her tits?" Charlie asked with a wink.

"Why does that matter in my question of how best to ask her out on a date?"

"Oh, it doesn't. Just wondered is all."

"If we could get back to the task at hand. I do not have time to waste. It appears the Minister fancies this girl as well and—"

"Then my advice to you, Percy, is find another girl."

"What? That's your advice for your brother? That I should simply find another young lady to date because there's no way anyone could ever fancy me over Kingsley Shacklebolt?"

Charlie seemed to ponder this for a moment, cocking his head and leaning back in his chair once more. "Yep, that's pretty much what I was saying. Have you seen Kingsley? Hell, I'd date him myself, and I don't even like blokes."

"A lot of help you've been," Percy said, stomping back into the Floo and tossing down some powder.

***

The next day, Percy was nervous all day. He had considered starting his morning by going straight to the Department of Magical Games and Sports to seek Katie out before he lost his nerve, but if she said no, then he'd still have to work the remainder of the day down the hall from her. He did his best not to think about having to work here tomorrow if she said no anyway. If he thought too much about that, he'd lose his nerve for sure.

As the day was drawing to an end, Percy made his way slowly down the corridor, constantly on the lookout for the Bludger that might attack at any moment. He made it safely to the door of the Department of Magical Games and Sports and poked his head into the door, tapping lightly. Katie was sitting at a desk laughing at something the tall, thin young man across from her was saying.

"Miss Bell, do you have a moment?" Percy asked.

"Of course. And it's safe to come in. The curse was lifted from the Bludger this morning and it's been sent back to the Falmouth Falcons. You'll be glad to know it wasn't you."

"Oh, well, that's a relief."

"It was your hair colour. Your brother, Ron, came back from an Auror mission today and the thing took off and nearly broke his arm."

"That's interesting," Percy said, not at all interested, then looked at the young man across from her, hoping he would take the very pointed look Percy directed his way and excuse himself. He didn't.

Katie stood and reached for her cloak. "My husband and I were just on our way out, but how might I help you, Mr. Weasley?"

"Well, I was wondering if you might—" _Husband? Did she say husband?_ "I'm sorry, did you say your husband?" _Well, that was smooth… or not._

"I'm so sorry. I didn't introduce you. Percy Weasley, my husband, Dean Thomas."

Dean stepped forward with an extended hand. "I remember you from school. Your younger brother, Ron, was my dorm mate. It's nice to see you again. My wife tells me you've had some Bludger problems this week."

Percy shook Dean's hand at a complete loss for what to say. And before he could stop the words from tumbling forward, he'd said, "But your last name is Bell?"

Katie shook her head in disgust. "You know, not all women these days choose to take their husband's name."

"Certainly not my wife," Dean said, rolling his eyes. "There are times I think her goal in life is break as many traditions as is possible before she dies."

"And that's a bad thing?" Katie asked, giving her husband a look that dared him to answer that it was.

Dean held up his hands in surrender. "Do I look foolish enough to answer that question?"

Percy just stood there until Katie prompted him, standing there in her cloak, with her bag over her shoulder. "I don't mean to hurry you, but we have reservations. Is there something you needed?"

Percy plastered on a fake smile and waved a hand dismissively. "It is nothing that cannot wait. Do enjoy your evening, Miss Bell, Mr. Thomas." He turned for the door feeling the as though his heart was a heavy weight in his chest. There was a bit of mad whispering behind him, and he just made out Dean's voice saying, "Do you really think that's such a good idea?"

"Percy?" Katie said, and he was glad to hear her use his given name. "We were just wondering—"

Interrupting, Dean said, "No, _she_ was just wondering. For the record, I don't think this is a good idea at all."

Katie shot her husband a glare and Dean looked back at her, rolling his eyes, then said, "I'm just saying right up front that I really don't think this is a good idea. Your match-making never goes well at all, and you're not dragging me into it... not again."

"Anyway," Katie continued, "we're meeting my friend, Millicent, for drinks, and I wondered if you might like to come along. Her father owns the team I used to play for, and she's such a nice girl."

"Nice like a pit viper," Dean said under his breath. There was a strangled cry when Katie stomped down on his toe.

"Millie can be somewhat, erm, abrasive, but I do think you might like her. Won't you come along with us? After all, you'll never know if you don't even meet her, right? Besides, she's just going to feel like the third wheel being out with Dean and I. I'd consider it a personal favour if you'd go."

***

Percy stepped out of the Floo and into the quiet of his flat… or what should have been the quiet of his flat. His brother, Charlie, was leaned back on his sofa snoring loudly.

"How did you get in here?"

Charlie snorted, coming awake. "Huh? Whuh?"

"I believe I asked how you got into my flat."

"I suspect the same way you did," he said with a yawn. "You really need to get better security on your fireplace, little brother." He yawned again and stood to stretch. "What time is it anyway?"

"Two in the morning, so if you don't mind—"

"Oh. My. God. You got lucky. Tell me all about it. Don't leave out a thing."

Percy took off his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. His night had been trying at best, his date—well, she wasn't something Percy could easily define, and she tested his patience at every turn, and Charlie was the last person he wanted to tell about it.

"I went out with the girl—"

"No shit? I didn't think you stood a chance against Shacklebolt. Hell, the girl must be blind." Charlie seemed to catch himself and looked a little guilty. "You know, or maybe she's really into big brains… or something."

"Um-hm, nice save. If you would let me finish. I went out with the girl and her husband."

"A threesome?!? Seriously? I mean, I knew Bill and I had—"

Percy quickly held up his hands as though to ward away that answer. "Don't tell me. I do _not_ want to know. Anyway, the girl—and can we stop calling her that—Katie asked me if I would consent to go with them and meet her friend… so I did."

"What's the friend like?"

Percy sighed. He could expound upon Millicent Bulstrode's virtues all night. She was rude, obnoxious, not at all like Katie, and Percy hated to admit it, but he rather fancied the way she challenged him. That conversation, however, _would_ go on all night. So he decided to put it in terms that Charlie could comprehend. "She had nice tits."

Charlie nodded in understanding and clapped him on the back.


End file.
